Makework

I'd like to explain how my job works, using to medium of powerpoint.

Powerpoint - the dirty fuel of middle management

In the top left is a representation of my job. Surprisingly, I enjoy it. But I also understand that country music is, as usual, correct in stating that there must be a little rain to offset the sunshine and so that there is always some crap to deal with. It's not the worst crap in the world e.g. greasing up sumo wrestlers jockstraps; just usually some mindless low-level admin involving a 20 line spreadsheet that I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone else to do.


Then, one day, a man in a tie turns up. He has no discernible skills apart from the fact he once shared a bunk on a boat/yacht with one of the directors. He sees the crap bit of my job and unlike old negative me sees not a chore but an opportunity. So, he applies management school  "process improvement" to it, and by some magic that eludes me turns said insignificant crap into a full time job (top right). 

My mouth gapes in astonishment that:

1. Such a trivial, monotonous task can be "improved" to such an extent.
2. Mr. Tie man is even remotely interested in spending his day thus engaged.

Except of course, he's not remotely interested in spending his day doing this crap. Having created a great deal ultimately pointless entropy and fluff from absolutely nothing, he will then lobby the people who matter to employ additional resource to perform the newly important task. A new pleb appears. And because he's ever so clever Tie Man will be made the boss of both me and the new pleb.

Being da Boss is a full time job in itself, so now there's three people doing my main job plus the bit of crap I used to do while eating a sugary bun just after lunch. 

The final irony usually being that the pleb invariably has the work capacity of an incapacitated dead sloth and palms the now much enhanced crap back onto me.


Maybe I should get a tie.